God Listens. God Answers. God Loves.

As someone who is a practicing Christian, living up to God‘s word isn’t easy.

I know He doesn’t expect me to be perfect, but my personality doesn’t let me shoot for anything less than that. Oh, I don’t hit perfect. Never will. Doesn’t stop me from trying.

To say God has blessed my life is an understatement.

I’m married to a woman, who is amazing just in the fact that she puts up with me. Then she’s amazing in so many ways on top of that.

I’ve got two wonderful children who I couldn’t be prouder of.

I’ve got a job where I have the potential to do so many amazing things with co-workers that challenge me and keep me laughing.

I live in a nice home, eat good food and have friends and family that love and care about me.

Recently we received another blessing. My wife got a new job.
It freed her from one where they didn’t appreciate her and left her feeling like crap at the end of the day.

Really what do I have to be upset about in life? Nada.
There are A LOT of things that could be wrong in my life, but they aren’t.

But like so many people, even for those that seem to have it all there are days that stress the ever-loving crap out of me. That’s especially so when it comes to finances.

There was just one small hitch with this new job…it would mean that we’d have to get our own health insurance or pay for COBRA which is incredibly expensive.

We’re trying to be responsible and tackle the debt we accrued so this expense was going to put us in a tough position, possibly leaving us without health insurance.

Saturday night as we reviewed the options and my stress level jumped, my wife was loving and supportive reminding me to lean on God. For a split second I thought, but didn’t shout out “How the heck is God going to put that money in our bank account?!!!

Yup, I really thought that. Mr. loving Christian…totally doubting his God.

After filling out the massive online application for two medical insurance providers and a couple of drinks, I prayed.

Then over the course of the last few days it felt like all the financial weight of the world was upon me. Yesterday on a long drive to San Diego, I had a long conversation with God.

My simple prayer was “I don’t need more money. I don’t want more money. I just want to be able to take care of everything and make ends meet.”

Then immediately after I was done I got a phone call that created more financial stress. I looked up and cried up “Really? You call that help?”

Yes, I verbally questioned God. I was pissed with Him. Why after spending the time to talk with Him, could He let that happen? I started questioning, why have faith in something that didn’t seem to deliver? Why keep praying and asking for help when I felt like I kept hitting brick walls?

This is the challenge that people make, somewhat rightfully so. How could this all-powerful, awesome, loving entity allow bad things to happen?

Shortly after 9/11 I had a conversation with my boss. Him being a devout Catholic, I asked him “How could God have allowed that to happen?”. His answer was simple “Because He’s fighting the devil, and sometimes the devil wins”.

Yes God is powerful, but bad things happen, they will always happen and He doesn’t make them happen, He doesn’t allow them to happen they just happen.

Sometimes out of pain and tragedy comes something so much better. Sometimes after having your world rocked, good is shown to you and reminds you of what you have to be thankful for and reminds you that there is so much more good in this world than bad.

We saw that after 9/11. We’ve seen that after so many of the tragedies that have taken so many from us and hurt so many. We’ve seen heroes rise from the ashes. We’ve seen people be blessed in ways that they wouldn’t have, had the bad things not happened.

I’ve learned over time and have been reminded recently by our Pastor, Rick Warren “God wants to turn your mess, into his message. God takes your test and makes it your testimony”.

This morning I said a far simpler prayer. “God, I don’t know what your plans are, or where you’re going with any of this. I don’t understand it and I can’t control it. But I guess that’s just it. I’m trying to wrestle control over something that only You can handle. So I’m going to let You take it from here and stop questioning You.”.

About 30 minutes later I got a call from my wife. Her new employer was going to let us take advantage of the health insurance immediately. It would go into effect immediately after our current insurance expires.

Problem solved. Crisis Averted. God comes through…AGAIN.

Not only had God helped us get the insurance we needed at a price we could afford, but He also showed us how even more amazing my wife’s new job and boss was. She’s working for people who care about her and our family.

Yeah, I felt like a heel having gotten so angry, and even having doubted Him.

But then I remembered that He loves me no matter what. Even though I had gotten angry at Him and thought He was a bad parent. As it is when my children do this, I still love them and He still loves me. He’s still looking out for me. He’s still making sure that my path ahead leads to something good.

The path won’t be without bumps. It won’t be without challenges. It won’t be without pain, sorrow and loss, but He’s there with me to give me strength, love, support and protection that no one else can.

With this, He’s made my mess his message, and turned a test into a testimony.

Folks, God doesn’t make sense and He never will to us here on this planet.
The great thing is that His love knows no bounds. His forgiveness is powerful. His support is like none other.

When I look at the big picture of my life I see how He’s done some pretty astounding things, and seen the person He’s transformed me into despite who I am and how I’ve talked to Him. My life has been much more amazing since I let Him in it.

One of these days I will learn to let go better. I’ll stop trying to control things I can’t. I’ll stop trying to understand Him and just trust in Him.

So why did I write all of this? Am I trying to convert people? Am I trying to thump a “virtual Bible“?

No, I wrote this for two reasons:

1. To give thanks to Him for saving my butt, yet again in the most public way possible.
2. To help others see how He’s worked in my life in the off-chance they could become interested in learning more about Him.

Even if I never achieve my second goal, I know that my first goal is accomplished and that’s what matters most to me.

“So we don’t focus on the troubles we see right now; instead we look forward to what we don’t see yet. For the troubles we see now are temporary, but the joys to come will last forever.”
2 Corinthians 4:18

Goodbye Grams, and Thanks.

Today we celebrated the life of my Grandmother Verna Mattox who passed away on April 25th.

I know it’s been awhile since I blogged and I am certainly way behind on posts, including one about my incredible wedding.

But today, today is about Grams. The following is the eulogy I delivered and a memorial video I put together for today. It’s a long one, but she was an amazing woman and deserved every bit of it.

Eulogy For My Grandmother, Verna Mattox.

Many, many years ago my grandma made me promise that when the time came that I’d speak about her at her memorial. It was a promise I easily made, but didn’t realize the challenge that I’d have in front of me until a few weeks ago.

Without writing something as long as War and Peace, how do you summarize 96 years of life, 40 of which I was so blessed to be a part of?

Then I did, what I know what she would have done …I talked to God.

As He has so many times before, and He did throughout my Grandmother’s life He provided guidance, inspiration and support.

So today I’d like to talk about, how this one woman, who words will never be able to properly describe, changed the world through her dedication and love.

Since I was around 8, I was amazed at her work in the political field. I didn’t fully understand what she was doing but I knew that she worked with important people that I had heard about on the news.

As I got older I came to learn and more fully appreciate what she had actually done and who she had worked with

She held titles like
Republican Convention Delegate
National Platform Committee member
State Volunteer Coordinator for Ronald Reagan’s 1980 campaign
GOP Nominee for 52nd Assembly District
Campaign Manager
Electoral College Member, not once…not twice, but three times.

People like Richard Nixon, Spiro Agnew, Bob Dole, Ronald Reagan, and George H Bush knew, and communicated with my grandmother. Her viewpoints. Her ideas. Her friendship was of great value to them.

Add on to this, she served her community through the many local groups she was involved in. Perhaps most important to me, the Torrance Sister City Association where she took high school students to Kashiwa, Japan and eventually held a seat on their board.

It is because of this incredible and unselfish service to her country I am honored to announce that Senator Mimi Walters of District 37 will create a memorial resolution, and adjourn a California Senate session quote “in memory of Verna as a great American, a patriot and a timeless force in California party politics who served many presidents and governors in her illustrious tenure.” end quote. It will then be documented for history in the Senate Journal and archives.

While she was proud of her service, it was ultimately her love for her family, and wanting to make sure that the world they lived in was a better place that inspired everything she did.

I am incredibly proud of all that my grandmother accomplished, but it is the love, and memories that she gave me that means the most.

Just below God, my Grandmother was one of the most influential people in my life

When my parents divorced she was there to take care of my brother Lee and I. She was my solid rock in a sea of incredible pain and uncertainty. She was a source of love and understanding that I couldn’t have lived without.

She taught me manners and personal conduct that serves me in every social situation I’m in. As a kid you think it’s all nagging, but in the end it all makes perfect sense.

From a restaurant, to hanging out with friends, to the board room. She taught me so much that now in observing others, I’ve come to the conclusion that many could have used a Grandmother like mine, and the very manners she taught me.

Her involvement in the Sister City Association spurred me to take part as well. That led me to a journey that would change me from a boy who felt incredibly unpopular, to a young man who had a greater amount of confidence in who he was, and where he was going.

She instilled in me the desire to want to be a responsible, ethical and determined man.
As a result I have been blessed with incredible success and achievement that continues to flourish to this day.

She has also left me with some incredible memories that will forever be in my heart…

Memories of…

Calling her up and asking her if she wanted to go “mall crawling”. She’d then keep me out of the toy stores and I’d keep her out of the shoe stores. All the while yelling at me “I’m not your papoose” if I started walking too fast.

Going to Hawaii with her, and my cousin David. A trip where her nickname “Grams” was bestowed upon her and used until the very end.

Sitting on a cruise ship crossing the Pacific, enjoying pizza and beer while talking about the life she lived.

Having her present when I was baptized again, and seeing the happiness in her face that I had fully accepted the Lord, something she had been wanting for me for so long.

Perhaps the favorite memory I have is during her final time on earth where she was fully conscious, aware and chatting up a storm.

I stood there with my wife, my son and my step-daughter and we had the best conversation we had had in a couple of years. I was able to tell her about my new job, an upcoming trip to Australia and everything going on with the kids. Most importantly she was able to see her grandson happy and excited with a brand new future in front of him. I was able to give her the peace that I was alright and was going to be just fine until the day we meet again.

Grams,

I will never be able to properly express my love, gratitude and deep admiration for every little thing you did for me, the family, and the country. I know you are in an incredible place up there with so many amazing people.

I hope that you’ll check in every once in awhile on me and the family. Jenny, Josh, Kaylin and I love you, miss you, and hope you’re having an incredible time up there, we all know you fully earned it.

As a final tribute to Grams, I have put together a memorial video.
When I first starting creating this I struggled with what music to use.

Again, I did what Grams would have done and I prayed to God for help.

I eventually decided on a beautiful piece of music by Michael Giachinno, appropriately titled “Moving On”. While I am sure Grams up above is so happy with everything we do here this morning, ultimately her final wish would be that we happily remember her life, the memories we made with her, and that we move on with the lives that she’s helped support, guide, and inspire.

So with that I invite all of you to remember, celebrate and rejoice in the life of God’s gift to us, my grandmother Verna Mattox.

Happy 35th Birthday My Love!

My dearest Jenny,

Today I along with your daughter, step-son, parents, friends, family and everyone you’ve touched over the past 35 years celebrate a day that has wonderfully impacted our lives.

Over these 35 years you’ve accomplished so much and you continue to do so with each and every day.

You are an amazing mom to Kaylin, balancing love, patience, tenderness and caring discipline to help her become an incredible young lady. Being a single mom has not been easy with numerous challenges thrown at you, yet each and every one you’ve overcome while at the same time teaching Kaylin valuable lessons about life and love.

You’ve taken that same incredible skill as a parent and shared it with Josh. I know he’s learned a lot from you already and has experienced every bit of that same love you give to Kaylin.

Despite having a couple thousand miles in between you and your family you are still a supportive, caring and loving daughter, sister and aunt. You do everything for them that’s within your means and even then you’ll go above and beyond that. You may not be able to see them as often as you’d like, but they know how much you love them and how you’ll do anything within your power to be there for them each and every day.

Friends like the ones you have are not easily gained, and even harder to keep. You are always there for them with a listening ear, a loving hug, cheers of support or a wealth of reasonable advice and guidance. You love them like an extended set of family, each and every day, with every Facebook post, phone call and text message you make. To them you’re not just a friend, you’re a sister to them all with a big heart and bright smile.

And then there’s the woman you are to me….

You give so much to so many others, yet you still manage to give me so much each and every day. I get everything they all get and so much more!

You are patient and understanding with me like no one has ever been before. I can seemingly drive you nuts, yet your love for me never falters.

You have shown me love. Pure, true, wonderful and totally unselfish love that I thought was just something that was made up in movies.

You continually inspire me and help me see how much more I am capable of accomplishing. Just when I think I haven’t got anything left, you help me find that I can do so much more and then help me do it.

You have made and continue to make me a better man in every way shape and form.

I cannot wait until the day I get to call you my wife, and look forward to getting to spend the rest of my life with you.

Jenny, you are so much to so many people and none of us will ever be able to properly show or tell you how much you truly mean to us. Had it not been for that day 35 years ago that God blessed the world with you, life just wouldn’t be the same.

Happy Birthday My Love! May God bless you (and us) with many, many, many more!

Countdown To A New Life…T- 6 Months and 3 Days

In a little over 6 months I am going to get married to an absolutely incredible woman.

A woman who reminded me how incredible she was over the last couple of days and continues to show me what a mature and healthy adult relationship is like. She’s even able to put up with me, which can be no small feat sometimes. 😉

After having a really good evening with Jenny last night and feeling a little more in the creative writing mode I decided to work on my vows while on the train ride in.

I had already written a good part of them and I went through and refined it, added a little here and there and took out some of it so they don’t go on too long. While I think they’re mostly done, I imagine over the next few months I’ll continue to touch them up. In the end though my my ultimate challenge will be getting through them without tearing up.

After working on my vows and reading a Mashable article on using Pinterest to help plan a wedding, I thought why not journal some of my experiences as we get closer to my wedding day? So with that I’m going to start threading in blog posts about my journey towards the beginning of a new life.

We are for the most part pretty well done with the essential parts of the wedding planning.

The location, DJ, photographer, florist, baker, best man, man of honor and rings have been chosen and deposits made.

Her dress is sitting in a closet that I am making sure I go nowhere near and at this point pretty much everyone I know has seen it, but me (of course).

I think this is where it gets interesting though…all the little details.

We still have as yet to do our tasting and set the menu. The flowers while generally thought of aren’t totally selected. The music playlist is something we’ll actually let some of our friends and family help select…just NO CHICKEN DANCE and NO MACARENA!!!

There’s a multitude of other details and selections as well as a special project and a few surprises for our guests that have as yet to be done and I intend to share that experience here so it should be interesting.

So stay tuned…this is gonna be fun!

Happy 15th Birthday Son!

Today is my ~~little~~ boy’s 15th birthday!

While I’ve wished him Happy Birthday on the phone and on Facebook and we celebrated this last weekend, I had to blog about it too.

C’mon…what kind of tech Dad would I be if I didn’t blog about it?

While growing up I certainly had my dreams about being a Navy pilot or Astronaut, I also had a dream that not many young boys have. I wanted to be a Dad. Even moreso I wanted to have a son.

That dream was realized 15 years ago when Josh came into the world and was placed into my arms. I can still vividly remember every part of that day, from the way the weather was to the sounds and feelings I went through. It was and will always be one of the greatest moments of my life.

Over those 15 years we’ve had good times and we’ve had bad times. He and I have both grown in so many wonderfully different ways and we continue to grow every day. While like most teenagers he can be frustrating, the majority of the time he makes me incredibly happy and proud. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s loving, he’s caring and he has an incredible spirit that I like to think is a result of the best parts of me.

I am proud and honored to be Joshua Tellez’ dad and happy to again celebrate a dream come true.

Happy Birthday (Son/Bugaboo/Buddy/Kid)! I love you and thank you for being my son. Love, Dad.

Creative Freedom – A Change of Direction

Yes, it’s been an incredibly long time since I posted anything here, and to be honest it’s been a little painful for me, writing is an outlet for me, writing allows me to express myself in ways that I can’t in person or just don’t have the opportunity to.

Much of what I’d wanted to post or say couldn’t go out as appearing as any point of view or example of the organization I work for.

This site has never been supported by or endorsed by my employer. It is my personal site that I pay for with my own buck and invest my own personal time in. The points of view on this site has been and will always be MINE and MINE alone. Nonetheless I’ve gone through the site, making minor changes here and there, removing certain language that might imply that this site is in any way endorsed or supported by my employer.

Moving forward I have decided to perhaps be a bit more open, a bit more frank, a bit more honest.Some posts will be short, others may be long diatribes.

I want to make it clear that any future posts I make are posts from my point of view and the feelings/ideals that I have at that point in time. They are solely from my point of view. In no way shape or form does my employer support or share my point of view. Many will likely disagree with what I say. Some may wonder what point it has at all. Others may agree with it and stand along side me in support.

That’s the beauty of the internet, the wonder of how our culture has developed where so many can share their voice with so many others. You aren’t always right, you’re not always wrong, it just is and no one can take that away from you.

So we’ll see where we go from here, but at least today I feel like I have a little more freedom, I can be a little more me and right now that’s who I need to be. Me.

An Open Letter To George Lucas

Dear Mr. Lucas,

Last night the web was afire with news that two audio changes and one special effects change had been made to your original Star Wars Trilogy.

As you’ve already come to know, those of us that hold Star Wars near and dear haven’t been crazy about the past changes. You also know how much we wanted the trilogy to appear on Blu-Ray in their originally released versions. So to find out that you had chosen to further alter the movies that shaped our childhood was a kick in the gut to the majority of fans that have made Star Wars what it is today.

I do want you to know Mr. Lucas that as someone who has personally enjoyed writing, and shooting and editing videos as one of my favorite creative outlets I totally get the whole idea of having a vision. I fully appreciate wanting to go back to correct things you wished you could have done differently if you had the technology or time to do it. These movies have been like your children and you wanted nothing but the best for them. Completely understand, and respect it.

To date though nothing I have done has had the impact on culture, society and lives that the Original Star Wars Trilogy has had.

Your movies have inspired the countless dreams of many who believed that anyone could do anything if they seized upon “THE FORCE” within themselves. So many of those folks are working for you today helping inspire the dreams of others.

Your movies have brought out the good in others and created charities that might not be in existence had it not been for your movies. Thanks to Star Wars we’ve got the 501st who has taken part in countless charity events across the globe raising much needed funds and bringing smiles to children in hospitals. Together they and the R2 builders club created R2-KT to help fulfill the wish of a young Star Wars fan. Even after Katie’s passing, R2-KT has gone on to help raise the spirits of sick children and raised money for charity.

Finally your movies have had special meanings in the relationships between parents and children. They’ve been proudly shared by your original fans with the children they have today.

On a personal level the original Star Wars trilogy has had a significant impact on my life in ways that most would have never thought.

Star Wars was one of the first movies my father took me to and is one of my most precious movie going experiences that I hold near and dear to my heart. After my parents divorced and I didn’t see my Dad as much, seeing that movie together and sharing the love of the film brought out the happiness in an otherwise really unpleasant time in my life.

I saw my father less and less and eventually felt like my father could care less about me. When I saw “Return of the Jedi” the scene where Vader saves Luke and destroys the Emperor had a special symbolism for me. I viewed the Emperor and his shocking bolts as the pain and torture of everyday life, from the people who picked on me at school to not having my Dad with me everyday. I always wished that my Dad would come in one day and save me like Vader saved Luke.

While my relationship eventually broke down to the point where I didn’t see or talk to my Dad for 6+ years, Star Wars was always a happy memory. In 2007, I eventually wound up talking to and seeing my father again. While he couldn’t make the pain of the past not happen he apologized for not being there and promised to be a better father. For me, he finally saved me like I hoped he would.

Last year, my father passed away. Before he passed I was fortunate enough to be able to spend time with him. He was unconscious but I knew he could hear me. So I sat there with him and watched the original Star Wars one last time. A few weeks later I celebrated his birthday as I sat with his little jar of ashes and watched the original Star Wars once more.

Since the day my son was born I have shared my love of Star Wars with him and it’s become one of his favorite things. He most recently and very patiently waited multiple times over one hour to ride the latest version of Star Tours. I showed him the R2-KT painted on one of the Starspeeders and explained how so many wonderful people came together to help make a little girl so incredibly happy.

Mr. Lucas, I can’t think of a single other set of films that have had the impact that your original three films have had. It was the originals though, not the ones jazzed up with additional special effects. Your films are classics and snapshots of days when people painstakingly created detailed models and paintings to help bring these films to life. Your fans LOVE the originals in all of their glory. We don’t need CGI additional audio, or modified audio to make them better, they were PERFECT just the way they were.

I would like to honorably and respectfully ask that you let the original trilogy be the original trilogy. Restore them to their full brilliance, let us see every detail in HI-DEF, let us hear every note with absolute clarity. Let us remember our childhood, relieve our memories and cherish the moments we originally had. Bring back the Trilogy that inspired and continues to inspire millions of your fans all over the world.

Thank you for your time,

Chris Tellez
Star Wars Fan Since 1977

Thanks Steve Jobs…For Everything, and For Everything We Haven’t Seen Yet

As I was on a phone call yesterday I noticed the news of Steve Job’s resignation from Apple pop up on Facebook. My immediate reaction was that it was some hoax and that it would eventually be debunked.

The entire world now knows that Steve Jobs has indeed resigned as CEO from Apple and has moved to the Chairman of the Board position. Tim Cook who was an incredible COO and was acting CEO during Steve’s various medical leaves is now the new CEO.

Of course everyone and their uncle are chiming in on what this means for Apple, and wondering how Tim Cook will perform. I could spin all my ideas out there but in the end my belief comes down to a few simple words. IT WILL ALL BE FINE.

Walt Mossberg made the one point in this video on the Wall St. Journal’s site that everyone seems to passing over…STEVE JOBS ISN’T DEAD. So it’s not like Steve won’t be contributing his ideas and thoughts to Apple’s future.

While he’s still with us (THANKFULLY!) I still want to take a moment to take Steve Jobs for everything he’s done at Apple in his role as CEO.

For me Steve Jobs…
1. Gave me a reason to give the MAC a shot and move from being a PC to a MAC GUY. I’m such a MAC guy I say with all honesty…”You can have my MacBook back when you pry it from my cold, dead,lifeless hands”.

2. Came up with two of the most incredible ways to listen to music and movies, saving me from carrying binders of CDs and/or DVDs as well as be more productive.

3. Gave me my own little piece of real life Star Trek tech.4. Created a marketplace that opened a whole new economy, a new obsession for and in a way a new role for me at REBS.

5. Taught me how to give better presentations

Finally and most importantly…

Steve Jobs gave me a reason to get excited again about technology on a daily basis.

So thanks Steve for everything you’ve done and for everything you’ve done that we haven’t gotten to see yet.

I pray that you’ll continue to be with us for some time and that by stepping down as CEO you’ll be able to get healthier, spend more time with your family and be able to continue to be the incredible influence that you’ve been thus far. Here’s to many more years of Steve Jobs magic!

iPhone Tracking? It’s A Non-Issue.

Yesterday it was announced that your iPhone was tracking everywhere you’ve been and saving it to a file that’s copied to your computer when you synch your device.

iphone-data-map-007 — Data Presented From Finders of iPhone Tracking

In case you haven’t seen the story someplace on the web, here’s an article about it on Mashable. It’s also now on the CNN home page – HERE

There are a lot of alarmists up in the air about this and Senator Al Franken has asked Apple to explain why it’s doing this.

I was going to write a wonderfully detailed blog post about it and why I thought it really wasn’t a big deal, but the incredibly smart and funny David Pogue beat me to it. Thanks for saving me some typing David!

In the end the only way someone can use this data and figure out where you’ve been is to download special software (which only shows some details) and pull this file off of your computer. As David Pogue put it “If your computer is that accessible, you’ve got much bigger problems.” He also makes a great point of saying only those that have something to hide, may have something to fear.

While you can’t change any setting to stop the tracking, you can (and I encourage you to) encrypt your iPhone back-ups. It’s incredibly easy to do and I’ve found some simple steps right HERE. Honestly everyone should be doing this from the get-go if they’re that worried about the security of their data.

If you’re really worried about the security of what’s on your iPhone you should have it lock and require a password to get into the device. Instructions on that are on the bottom of THIS PAGE.

I know some people feel like this is an invasion of privacy.
They have every right to feel that way.

To that I say in this day and age of Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube along with all the “check-ins” being done your information and location is out there already.

There’s nothing to hide!

For those that are still incredibly fearful I’ll recommend as do with everyone else –
DON’T PUT YOUR INFORMATION ON OR GET CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET. Despite any password you have or protection you think you have on it, there’s no 100% security when it comes to computers. If someone really wants to get to your data, they’ll figure out a way and will be able to get around anything you put in the way.

That’s just my opinion, as has occasionally happened, I could be wrong. 🙂

Soul Writer

Writing From The Heart For Healing & Inspiration

Category: News

God Listens. God Answers. God Loves.

Goodbye Grams, and Thanks.

Happy 35th Birthday My Love!

Countdown To A New Life…T- 6 Months and 3 Days

Happy 15th Birthday Son!

Creative Freedom – A Change of Direction

An Open Letter To George Lucas

Thanks Steve Jobs…For Everything, and For Everything We Haven’t Seen Yet

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